1:43 p.m., 2004-12-09
It's even worse than I already wrote this morning. I called him all morning to talk to him about last night but it would just ring until his voicemail picked up. I finally get through to him at 215 his time and he says he's been sleeping. I ask how long he's been sleeping and he says a long time. I ask what time he went to bed and he says around 1. I tell him he checked my diary at 430. He says he lies to me because he gets angry at me, and that's after hanging up on me once.
He only tells me the truth after I point out his mistruth anymore. Well that's a fucking relationship-builder right there. He's seriously just trying to end it, because I've told him time and again in both calm and upset manners that lying to me is never okay. I don't lie to him, and I expect the same in return. I tell him things that he may not like, because that is the way it works.
Now he says he would have gone to bed on time but he was mad at me and couldn't sleep. So, again it comes back to being my fault. I'm sure that game he most assuredly played in that 4 hours had nothing to do with the fact he wasn't sleeping.
He continues on to say that we probably should not talk for a while, because that would solve the stress I bring into his life. And here I just try to help things aside from being absolutely at my wits end the last few days. But Jesus, last night he didn't take his pills and didn't sleep yet again, and today he lies to me again for what is probably about the 20th time in the last month.
Perhaps it's time for a little breakdown. Perhaps it's time for a little change, and I obviously don't mean the kind he will make for himself because I don't see that happening.
He refuses to accept these things that I point out to him, the fact that he's totally messing himself up by not taking his medications, for example. Instead, he chooses to be mad at me for saying these "mean" things to him even though they're the damn truth. Where is the sense in that?
Well fine. I wash my hands of him and his mental states and moods and health. If he refuses time and again to do anything about them, then why should I worry myself sick over them?
