9:20 a.m., 2004-10-13
I wanted so badly to say yes.
Ryan sent me an email through American Airlines saying that he'd try to come home late Friday night and leave late Saturday night of this weekend. A single day is more than we have had in over a month...but...
I work both Friday and Saturday night. Saturday morning/afternoon I am touring UCDavis with my dad, and after that we're going to this fun maize maze in Woodland. I also have to sleep...and although it is more tempting than you know to have the opportunity to fall asleep curled next to him...there would be no time to talk and straighten out our very...complicated relationship.
It appears to me as though it will be November before we can see each other again. Maybe that's the right amount of time to sort ourselves out, I don't know. It seems as though the next few months are going to be difficult for me in light of recent developments, but that is for me alone and not more than that.
But I wanted so badly to say yes. I really did. I still do...but even though I was so tempted, I didn't. I could have worked it out if I didn't sleep much or if I drove myself up without my dad so I wouldn't have to go to the maize maze, but...I didn't. So it will be November, I think.
